Would you believe this is actually better than Hellman's? Seriously. Go vegan. It's better for the spirit and mind. Leave the cruelty laden chemically tainted trick-food alone.
If you're more of a partaker of Miracle Whip look for Nasoya's Nayonaisse which is identical in flavor and also egg-free.
Vegenaise can be purchased through Veganessentials and VeganStore to name a few, if your local grocer doesn't carry it.
If you've bought Nayonaisse and aren't the miracle whip type of condiment user, you can mix it with agave (edit: this once listed honey, but the way honey is harvested from bees is jacked... UU can no longer support it) and make a superb hair conditioner. I speak from experience. I coated my hair with the remainder of my Nayonaisse and then applied a layer of honey over it- agave is the vegan alternative to honey working equally well as a humectant. The results once rinsed out are better than anything over the counter and enclosed in plastic could provide... I may actually start buying Nayonaisse stricly as a conditioner because I know I couldn't waste a drop of Vegenaise, and would need a vegan mayonaisse substitute for conditioner. You can also strictly use oil as a conditioner, then rinse it, shampoor againt o get the excess oil out of your hair. It works wonders. Your hair will stay reasonably conditioned for weeks through shampooing and all...
You may appreciate knowing that there are those who claim to have a very fly homemade recipe for Vegenaise:
A few Uncheese recipes from The Uncheese Cookbook.